The beauty does not want a beast

Wow…how time flies. July has been so fast,—and furious! Lol…men I couldn't resist—exciting and full of new beginnings. Forgive me for being M.I.A, but I can assure you I will make up for it. Let’s get down to business shall we…

I am excited at the thought that you have discovered your skin type—I hope—and should have gotten rid of all the unnecessary. If you are still in a state of confusion, please send me a mail and I will respond in the best way I can.

I have always said and believed “Looking good is good business”. Over the years, I have found that men don’t really make an effort to look more “together” but are ever so quick to judge the ladies on their looks. From our hair, to our nails, to the dreadful flaunting of hairy legs—babe if you are guilty, it’s never EVER too late to repent—the men can’t stop talking. Things are so bad that a friend of mine, like clockwork, always has something to say about every girl I put up on my B.B display picture. His blunt words are always followed by my swan song “I’m looking forward to meeting the girl you are going to marry.”

Don’t judge what you cannot be compared with. If she is not all that, how about you? The beauty does not want a beast. So young man, get a pen and paper and take note of the things I’m about to tell you. They really irritate us. This will also serve as a guideline to getting her attention if you know what I mean.

The list of turn offs for women are endless, but in order not to run you down, we shall be focusing on a few areas that just make us cringe. Here goes…

Facial hair

As much as I love the full beard, I must warn you that there is a difference between the Rick Ross beard and the Osama Bin Laden beard. Not a lot of guys realise the fine line between the sexy masculine look and something that looks like it needs some hair growth cream. Gosh, don’t get me started with that. If you decide to keep your beard, please ensure it is evenly trimmed along the edges, well sculpted on the face and free of the crumbs from the three meals of the day. If you don’t have enough hair to pull off the look, don’t bother; don’t dye it black to fill in the gaps. The idea of a goatee which consists of a few strands only suggests you missed out on puberty—shave it off. Furthermore, it is not in any way sexy when you rub your chin. The mustache can be cute and sexy only if it does not look like Hitler incarnate.

Toe nails and THAT pinky

I have never understood why guys keep some nasty looking toe nails and have the pinky finger nail so darn long. Some guys say they need their finger nails to stimulate women but hey, this isn’t the blog to discuss that. It just makes me sick…and makes me wonder the kind of girls you have been dating. #talktothehand. Do yourself a favour and CUT YOUR NAILS. Dirty nails are a NO-NO. Dirty toe nails serve as an X-ray on your personal hygiene. A pedicure once a month will be the solution to a lot of your problems. Please save yourself the humiliation of wearing palms, sandals or any open footwear without getting one first. Take it from me, it is a crime.

Age appropriate clothes and shoes

If you are not within the 13-19 age group, if you are not in the circus, neither are you part of some stage performance dance group, or a fashion designer, you SHOULD not be wearing skinny jeans. Yes, yES, YES, I’m talking to you. If it is an ego booster to see how “big” you look in something so tight and want the world and the ladies to know, you have another thing coming.

On the other hand, some men don’t seem to realise the “sagging” look, over baggy pants, Heavy-D sized t-shirt with the big red NEW YORK—or some other place they most likely have not been to—and lest I forget that basketball jersey with the base ball hat and wannabe “bling bling” is so sloppy. Please get with the time, get with the programme and get on with defining your own style.

A well dressed casual man is sexier than a man in a three piece suit #standingovation. You should not be attempting to look like Justin Bieber nor some random gangster. Be smart, choose the right colour combo, and wear the right clothes from the labels that are worth every penny—designer or not. You don’t need to wear what “Mummy didn’t allow me to wear when I was younger” if you are looking to attract that beauty. A poor dress sense will turn any girl off in a heartbeat. Remember, an Iron is your best friend as well as a decent belt that will ensure your tucked in shirt stays in all day. If you do decide to wear a tie, please make sure it is well knotted and remains in the centre of the shirt collar to avoid looking like you are on a leash that your boss has been dragging.    

Now that you have the right clothes, you need to combine it with the right shoes—and socks. It is a fashion faux-pas to wear bright coloured socks to the office in the name of style. Even worse is the idea of wearing shoes without socks. Oh boy! Yes I do agree that there are some shoes that you don’t wear with socks but please know that we ladies know the difference between the two. We may not say anything to you but we do cringe at the thought of your smelly feet. I will be wise to keep a shoe sponge in your bag. We don’t need to know what you went or walked through to get to the office, take us on a date or whatever the occasion.

Bad breath

How bad is bad breath?

Damn…it’s that bad! Have you ever wondered why she never said anything to you anytime you try to talk to her? It may be because she is holding her breath in an attempt to spare her lungs from inhaling your toxins bad breath. It should be a violation of human rights to kiss a guy with bad breath in the name of love!

Hell-to-the-NO!

Change your toothpaste and keep a pack of Wrigley’s spearmint handy. You will be amazed how life changing that decision can be. Take my word for it.

Too much, too little and “natural” perfume

The truth is, deodorant is not enough when it comes to the Naija heat. With perfume, moderation is the key. The last thing we need is to be intoxicated by your sent. Don’t get me wrong, women are attracted to men that smell amazing but are easily irritated at the idea of being able to taste your perfume in their mouth by just talking to you. Too much perfume on my skin makes me dizzy and I am 100% sure that I’m not the only one. Use as much as you need but please try and make a bottle last for three days rather than one. Do we have a deal?

If you wear too little, the humidity of the day will take over and it becomes a mixture of sweat and some diluted sent of perfume—yuck. If you wear natural perfume aka Au naturel BO’naturel—none at all, be sure to know that it’s over before it has even begun. No way am I letting a guy put his arm over my shoulder with that mist going on.

Picking your nose and grabbing yourself in public

Digging and not finding gold, grabbing what has not gone missing then attempting to touch my face or hold my hand is a felony. I said it! We honestly cannot stand the idea of any guy touching “the face” with dirty fingers. Fresh skin is no overnight miracle, why distort it with dirty hands!?  

Puh-lease, enough with that. Spare us the “fine girl” gesture, wear good underwear and stop digging for gold.

The sooner men realise that decent girls want more than deep pockets, the easier life will be. A well groomed man is a keeper as it says a lot about your personality. You don’t need to be drop dead gorgeous, or tall dark and handsome but you need to make an effort to look good. I also recommend you go for a facial and pedicure at Montaigne place in V.I. That is the right step in becoming the fresh guy you have always dreamed of.

No beauty wants an animal of a boyfriend. I leave you with these words from Dr. Fumni.

“Men who don’t make an effort to look good, reflect a certain laziness. Perhaps an indication of the effort he’ll put into your relationship with him.”

Praise, Thanksgiving & Eternity

Indeed it has been too long since I had settled down to share my thoughts, but the series of events that lead to this has been worth it.

With no post in the month of June, one can only wonder were this writer went. Well…life is full of surprises. I know that sounds SO CLICHÉ, however, it holds more truth than imagined. One of my favourite movies of all time, Forrest Gump, has the most memorable quote that relates to this—‘My momma always said, "Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."'

Scientists can keep telling the world their predictions, Silicone valley can keep creating new technology to make life “better”, and CNN can keep analyzing issues around the world, providing their forecasts on the various economies, but truth be told, we don’t know the future.

We dont know the future and yet in my journey in life so far, I have found that many of us do not sincerely hold on to the one who does—God.

I am not religious, I am just a girl that has a relationship with God and I write this short poem to honour Him for His goodness and mercies.

A thankful mind,

A thankful heart,

A thankful soul, acknowledging how great thou art.

You gave me strength,

You gave me joy,

You gave me triumph when the enemy planned to destroy.

He created the heavens,

He created the earth,

He created my new feeling of self worth. 

I sing your praise,

I sing of your victory,

I sing of your everlasting endless magnificent glory.

You are my Lord,

You are my King,

And unto you this thanksgiving offering I bring.

One of my favorite scriptures, Psalms 18 verses 29- 30 says:

²⁹ For by You I can run against a troop,

By my God I can leap over a wall.

³⁰ As for God, His way is perfect;

The word of the Lord is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

Life may never go the way we planned but we can’t go wrong when we hold on to the One who holds our future. Don’t compromise, hold on to, and put your trust in the One who reigns Eternally. 

Peace is more important than possessions.

Think about it.

As long as you shall live…

There are so many possessions that can last for as long as we live on this earth, and I have found that we tend to place importance on the superficial.

Shoes…

Bags…

Suits…

Shirts…

Tops…

Skirts…

Expensive phones…

            Jewellery…    

                        Watches…

                                    Blah… 

                                                Blah…

                                                            Blah…

From the expensive, to the cheap, to the damn good bargain, all of the things we wear are placed on one vital organ…

The body’s largest organ is more important than you can imagine; essential to our survival on earth. Did you know it makes up 5% of the body’s weight?

This organ is the skin and today, I write to help you determine your skin type—the first step in the right direction.

The skin protects the body from harmful elements in the environment such as bacteria, chemicals, and the potentially damaging ultraviolet rays of the sun. It also helps regulate body temperature, excretes some waste products, and is an important sensory organ. Containing various types of specialized nerve cells, it is responsible for the sense of touch. Most importantly, the skin shows how healthy you are.

“What spirit is so empty and blind, that it cannot recognize

the fact that the foot is more noble than the shoe,

and skin more beautiful than the garment which it is clothed”

-Michelangelo

The truth is, everything looks good on good skin—as long as it is not a faux pas—and I have overtime become an advocate of spending hard earned money on good products for your skin type. It is very easy to get caught up with the routines of people you admire. You may pay attention to how they do their makeup, what cream they use, the brand they prefer, and this could lead to more harm than good. Caring for the wrong skin type can aggravate skin, lead to acne, or even make your skin look older than it really is. Do you really want to look older than you are?...nah, neither do I.

Forget about the trends and focus on yourself!

There are three main parts of the skin and they are;

-         The epidermis- The outermost layer of cells in the skin that resists cuts, scrapes and the entry of chemical substances

-         The dermis- The middle part of the skin made of connective tissue, blood vessels, sweat glands, nerve endings and hair follicles.

-     The hypodermis- The inner most layer of the skin consisting of the fatty tissue that provides protection and padding for the body.

The condition of your skin when you first wake up as well as in the late afternoon tells says a lot. According to M.A.C, most people have one of the skin types listed below and some however, may have a combination of several. The skin types and conditions are:

Normal

There is a balance of oil and moisture. It has a medium thickness and healthy colouring.

Oily

There is a shiny, oily surface. It could have large pores or blackheads caused by genetics, diet and the environment.

Dry

The skin usually has small pores and is thin. There can be broken capillaries, wrinkles and flakiness. This is caused by genetics, age, diet, drugs, harsh cleansing products and the environment.

Dehydrated

There is a lack of moisture on the surface with flakiness and wrinkles. The skin may feel tight, thin and itchy. It is caused by diet, age, illness, drugs, improper cleansing, indoor heating and air-conditioning plus the environment.

Acneic

There are blackheads and/or whiteheads, pimples, inflammation, cystic acne, open pores, shiny surface, scars and sensitivity. It is caused by genetics, stress, diet, drugs, poor digestion or improper cleansing.

Combination

There are oily areas, dry areas, dehydrated areas and acneic areas caused by some of the factors listed above.

Sensitive

The skin is thin with redness or inflammation. This may be caused by allergies, nervousness (mainly with white people) or an imbalance in the amount of oil the skin produces.

Now that you know the types of skin, how do you determine which one you are?

Here are a few questions to help you out…

Is your skin shiny all over?

Is it shiny only in the t-zone?

The t-zone is an imaginary line across your forehead, near your eyebrows and from the middle of the eyebrows down to your nose, stopping at your chin. This is the area of the face that mostly gets oily during the day. 

Do you have visibly enlarged pores?

Do you wake up greasy? 

Does your make-up seem to melt off by late morning?

Or are you blotting and touching up all day?

Do you have enlarged pores that get congested easily?

Does a humid day cause your skin to gush oil that seems out of control?

If your answer is more of a “Yes” than “No”, you most likely have oily skin

Does your skin feel normal?

Minimal shine and dry patches?

No sign of any large pores or maybe just a few?

Rare breakouts and minimal blackheads?

A random pimple every now and again, but nothing that’s a cause for an alarm?

The skin can be dry or a little oily depending on the weather?

If your answer is more of a “Yes” than “No”, you most likely have normal skin or combination skin (a little of both). The only concern you will have is finding the right balance of products and may also have to change products seasonally if your skin changes.

Do you wake up with uncomfortably tight skin that looks dull and drab?

Do you moisturize before bed only to wake up dry?

Do you have tight pores, flaky patches?

Does this get worse in cold, dry weather?

If your answer is more of a “Yes” than “No”, you have dry skin.

Do you experience redness and get easily irritated by certain products or ingredients?

Does your skin look blotchy and uneven?

If so, then you also have sensitive skin.

Should you still find yourself more confused than certain about your skin type, you can take the Paper Test. This is another way to determine your skin type and all you need is a piece of tissue paper or plain facial tissue and 3 hours.

Step One: Cleanse with a gentle, soap free cleanser, pat dry and wait 3 hours for the skin to normalize. 

Step Two: Press a piece of tissue paper each to the cheeks, chin and forehead.

Did the tissue paper stick?

Do you see patches of oil on the paper when you hold it up to the light?

Oily skin.  

Does the paper stick on your skin but when you remove it you don’t see any oil or maybe just a bit from where you pressed on the t-zone? 

Normal skin. 

Does the paper not stick at all? No oily spots on the paper at all?

Dry skin.

However, it is essential to realize that your skin type may change depending on your health, the season, the temperature and many other environmental factors.

Drinking lots of water will make the skin glow and help combat environmental factors that can affect your skin. Just a week of drinking a healthy amount of water can have good effects on your skin.

So start drinking and get your skin prepared for the next post!

Weeks, Months, & Years: the sequel

Delighted at the feedback regarding the preceding article being an eye-opener, I have decided to take things a step further, to do more than clarify but help you when in doubt. 

I’m sure most of you, whilst doing the “shine your eye” mission on your dressing table must have thought long and hard, trying to recall the month or day you started using the particular product in question. The thing is, it’s not that easy to guesstimate especially when you cannot keep track of the expiry date (I’m referring to the PAO), because you may not remember where you bought it from, who gave it to you, and when you opened it or you may have thrown away the box/packaging with all the fine print.

Agreed, it is one thing to be aware of the lifespan of a product and another thing to remember when you had started using it. I’m not going to give you some superficial advice to get a permanent marker and write the date on the container in order to keep track, I mean, that one nah long tin.

Not to worry, there are some clear changes that will appear upon the product which are visible to the eyes and a whiff to the nose. Below is a clear guide and I’m hoping you notice the trend. Let’s get cracking shall we…

SHAVING CREAM

Antibacterial facets aimed at preventing infection can be found in shaving cream. Ideally within a sealed can, no bacteria should be able to propagate. However, it will lose its peak performance after about 2-3 years and can be said to be expired when it no longer has the foamy consistency and has become runny like water.  Expired shaving cream is a major cause of skin discoloration and razor/shaving bumps as it irritates the skin. Gentlemen, please take a second look at that can!

MASCARA

If the texture is clumpy, lumpy, and dry, plus smells like a kerosene dye, please say goodbye! Our eyes will always remain utterly important to our existence on earth, so why compromise? You need to be very vigilant and ensure you change your mascara at least every three months. Thankfully, this is a makeup item I can say I “drink” because I love it and use 3-4 coats to gimme that false lash look. NEVER share mascara because it is applied so close to your eyes that it makes it the most susceptible to causing eye infections. Cosmetic chemist, Jim Hammer, explains as the brush is taken out, applied, and put back in the tube, it brings with it any bacteria that it has collected along the way.

Any lingering bacteria can cause redness and itchiness, or even conjunctivitis (a.k.a. Apollo) and sties. It is a breeding ground for bacteria! Do not continue to use your existing tube if you have had an eye infection or may have fallen ill. Please buy a new one.

HAIR SPRAY/HAIR SHEEN

According to Hairfinder.com, hair spray/sheen has expired when:

• The fragrance has changed- If your hairspray normally has a pleasant scent and begins to smell bad or simply smell stale
• Changes in its efficiency- If it doesn't seem to hold or provide the same amount of sheen as well as it did originally, it may be a sign that the polymers have lost their efficiency 
• Blocked spray nozzles- The polymer residue in the spray nozzles can harden and become impenetrable blockages that keep you from dispensing any more of the product

CAUTION: Never, under any circumstances, try to clear a blockage from the stem of an aerosol canister. The contents of a can of hairspray (even one that is mostly empty) are under extreme pressure, and could cause serious injury if mishandled.

I know a lot of guys who use hair sheen so please don’t take it for granted. Unlike the ladies, you cannot wear a wig nor fix a weave to cover up the rash or irritation on your head.

LIPSTICK AND LIP GLOSS

For those of you who are guilty of “only special occasions” please pay close attention—I’m just as guilty too. Lipstick has expired when it gets hard, becomes difficult to spread on your lips, dries out your lips and the odor becomes more acidic and lets not forget the sweat bubbles. The texture of expired lipgloss on the other hand, will look like more oil has been added to the tube and will have a very mean stale smell.

According to researchers, lipsticks and glosses contain oily ingredients that start to smell like stale cooking oil over time.

AFTERSHAVE, COLOGNES & PERFUME

Aftershave is used as an astringent and a disinfectant that helps prevent irritation, avoids the drying effects of shaving, and helps in closing pores that have been opened during the shaving process. Imagine what your skin will be like using expired aftershave...my thoughts exactly, you are at the risk of spots, white heads and bottom line bad skin.

I had a special bottle of perfume that my Dad gave me many years ago. At the beginning of the year, I had used the last drop for a special occasion, thinking “I’ve saved the best for last”. I was wrong. The perfume gave me a rash damn it! So what was I saving it for other than a rash?! I did notice that the colour of the perfume had changed, from a deep purple to lilac and for some reason, in my brilliant mind, I thought the perfume was maturing like wine—becoming better with each passing day.

The fragrant oils in Aftershave, Colognes and Perfumes, over time, begin to break down, and that process will be accelerated if the bottle is not stored in a cool and dark place, away from sunlight and heat. Colognes and Perfumes, which contain more fragrance, will break down faster than Aftershave. If you notice a change in the colour and the sent is not as strong as it was, omo men, it has expired. You will find that perfumes with a transparent colour will change to a golden yellow similar to the colour of processed honey.

BODY CREAM/LOTION

A body cream or lotion has expired when it looks like the water/oil is separate from the cream/lotion itself. You may attempt to give your cream CPR by trying to shake it in the jar/bottle or mix it together so that it can be as good as new but that will not help…just throw it away. It can cause lethal skin reactions that are not worth it.

FOUNDATION

Most foundations—with the exception of powder formulas—are water-based and any product that is water based is a breeding ground for bacteria. Oil based foundations tend to last longer than water based foundations; however they are more suitable for people with really really dry skin. A change in colour and texture coupled with a fowl off smell says the formula is expired. If you do decide to apply it, you can kiss your fresh skin goodbye as you will have irritations all over. You are advised to keep your foundations out of moist environments. Your bathroom and hot places are a no go area, as high temperatures and moisture can cause the product to quickly go bad.

CONCEALER
Expired concealer will give you more blemishes than you can imagine. Using expired concealer is pointless because concealer is meant to cover blemishes, not cause them. Its straightforward: a change in colour and texture means its expired. Typically, stick concealer will last up to two years, while the liquid concealer only last up to one year.

FACE POWDER & BLUSH

Although both face powder and powder blush can last up to three years, you may find that at some point it may become impossible to use. If the formula has become so hard it won't rub off from the compact, it's time to buy a new one. Furthermore, you can tell if the blush has expired if the color has turned into a dull colour and/or is a bit grayish. For the face powder on the other hand, you can tell from the surface of the powder being crusty with a few cracks, implying a change in texture.

NAIL POLISH

Yes it’s true! Nail polish is not only expired when it’s dried up but rather when it becomes thick and clumpy, with the pigments settling along the bottom of the bottle. You may try and shake it back to life, but if the formula remains separated, please throw it away.

PENCILS

Both eye and lip pencils are renewed every time you sharpen them. This implies that they can last up to three years but, it’s over the moment you begin to see a white coating that starts to develop on the tip, like mold.  

NATURAL MAKE-UP PRODUCTS

Natural makeup—yes Bodsy, I’m talking to you—does not last as long as regular make-up products and are likely to be more expensive. They contain fewer preservatives and you will have to dispose of your make-up more frequently. Experts suggest giving your natural products about one-half the shelf life of regular make-up products.

EYE SHADOW

This bad boy is expired when it becomes flaky around the edge of the container and has a few cracks on the surface plus the odor and colour changes. You will find that when applied, you may need more than before just to get the colour to show.

LIQUID EYELINER

Like eye shadows, they are applied near a sensitive area and can pick up bacteria and bring it back to the eye very easily without any visible signs of contamination. If your liquid eyeliner is dryish, lumpy, and stinks, please throw it away.

All in all, in the course of this article, you will find that there are three key changes that will help you determine if the product is expired as a result of it breaking down due to age or contamination. These key changes are;

Changes in smell,

Changes in texture,

And changes in colour.

This is what I had referred to as the trend.

The moment you open any cosmetic product especially make-up, oxidation begins and the ingredients start to break down. For this reason it is important to keep all make-up bottles, jars and containers closed tightly when not in use. It is also recommended to store your make-up in a cool, dark place because heat and bright light will cause the preservatives to break down and spoil the make-up quicker.

I know it can be hard to let go of what you love especially if the product has been discontinued, but trust me, you will be glad you did; old makeup is a breeding ground for bacteria. Think of it this way, less is more when you have fresh flawless skin. Getting rid of expired products is the very first step to getting that flawless and fresh skin.